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Jacq’s Journal: I’m in the dark when it comes to meditation

Anyone else finding it increasingly difficult to know what day it is? The other Monday I was convinced it was Friday and despite having no weekend plans, was gutted when the truth dawned.

I think part of the problem is that I don’t watch TV by day anymore, but by series. I thought maybe I should start watching at least one programme as aired to keep track of the days and so it was, I found myself watching Ant & Dec on Saturday.

Or rather that was the plan. In the middle of some nonsense challenge called fencing – if you haven’t watched it, believe me you are missing nothing, the screen went black.

Thankfully, not in a ‘bloody hell I’ve only just bought this TV’ way, but in a complete black out of the village way. Maybe divine intervention was trying to say ‘do something useful’ or maybe it was a power surge, we will never know, but all of a sudden I was in a pitch black house on a pitch black street.

The Whatsapp group set up for my road in Lockdown finally came into its own and provided more useful information than what colour bin day it was. Through it I discovered that the energy company was aiming to restore power in two hours. It was also a source of comfort to know that whilst I was alone in the house, I wasn’t alone in the predicament.

Candles and not a Yankee in sight

Thank goodness for phone torches and a great supply of candlesticks and candles (a habit acquired during my childhood living with regular power cuts and the three day week). The lounge looked really inviting basked in candlelight and unlike some of my neighbours, I didn’t have to break out the Yankee candles and tolerate competing aromas hitting the air.

With potentially two hours to kill and too early to go to bed, what to do next? Wine poured, I thought ‘oh well, I’ll just watch Netflix on the iPad’ before realising the WiFi was off and the phone battery was too low to risk. I couldn’t even listen to music.

Despite the cacophony of house alarms, there was something quite calming about being in candlelight with no electronic distractions. My only options were a one-sided conversation with the pooch (nothing new there) or be at one with my thoughts.

I am in awe of people who can meditate. The ability to empty your mind has always eluded me. Mine always seems to be full of chatter. It’s a little like when you are waking up from that lovely dream and trying to hold on to it, only for rational thoughts to come flooding in and ruin it. That’s how meditation is for me.

On Saturday, I realised that I don’t have the ability to just ‘be’. I’m good at thinking through work challenges, but when it comes to myself, I’m rubbish. I’ve tried manifesting, but even then get into a discussion with myself – ‘Is that what you really want’? ‘What happens if….’ Maybe this is my lockdown challenge – to learn to just be.

So there I was on Saturday night alone with my thoughts for two hours and trying to just ‘be’. Well not quite, I substituted the internal conversation for a crossword book until 40 minutes into the blackout, when the lights came back on – now where was I with that entertaining Ant & Dec show?

Jacqueline Hughes-Lundy
Employing her business skills, experience and love of writing all in one place.

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