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Bin your ex for good and get free prosecco and choccies

Valentine’s Day is as good a day as any for getting rid of the waste in your life and that includes the once significant other.

Sad as it maybe, the day for lovers is not all cards and roses for those who have recently gone through bitter breakups.

Often the worst part of a separation is the constant reminders of your ex lingering around the house, like their favourite mug or old toothbrush.

That’s why, a rubbish removal company, have come up with a genius solution to help you get rid of the ghosts-of-relationships-past, with a Valentine’s Day special ex-partner waste collection scheme.

Mark Hall, the company spokesman for, explains: “When you’ve gone through a bad break up, binning their stuff can be cathartic to help you move on, which is why we are on hand to help you get rid of the ex.”

“Plus, as a Valentine’s special, we will even provide you with prosecco and chocolates – our gift to you!”

The post-relationship purge

The end of a relationship can be incredibly emotional and being surrounded by things you associate with your ex can only make you feel worse.

In fact, romantic breakups can be so bad, one psychological study found that you can experience symptoms of bereavement, sleep disturbances and a range of mental health problems including intrusive thoughts.

So what can you do with all the stuff from your post-relationship purge?

Before you make like Rachel, Monica and Phoebe from Friends and nearly set fire to your flat with an ex-boyfriend bonfire, are offering Valentine’s waste collections for you to finally rid the bad breakup energy from your life.

“Basically, call us up and we will come round and collect your exes’ stuff and take it away for you, no questions asked,” says Mark.

“Bonfires are bad. Let us recycle your ex instead!”

Things will collect and dispose of for you include, but are not limited to:

  • Photos of your ex
  • Sexy underwear
  • Toothbrushes and half used toiletries
  • Collection of old Fifa games
  • Gifts they gave you that you felt guilt-shamed into keeping, such as ridiculously oversized teddy bears
  • Their embarrassing CD collection, including an N-Dubz album, Westlife, and Timeless The Classics by Michael Bolton
  • Die Hard DVD boxset
  • Fridge magnets from all of the places you travelled together
  • The pillow they slept on and dribbled into every night

“We will get rid of anything you don’t want from your past relationships in an environmentally conscious way, by donating reusable items to charity and recycling the rest.

“Although used sexy underwear would count as hazardous waste and will need to be properly disposed of.”

“We will come to your door, with a quick, easy, and fully-licensed waste collection service that will give you the peace of mind that all remnants of your ex are gone for good.

“We will correctly dispose of all waste, so there will be no further disappointments for you in terms of fly-tipping notices or fines for you to pay.

“Once all memories of your ex are out of the building, you can rest assured that you won’t have to face them again.”

But because Divert knows that closing the door for good on an ex can be an emotional rollercoaster, as part of the Valentine’s Day special, all customers will receive a gift such as prosecco, beer, or flowers to help lift their spirits or celebrate the occasion.

“We know it can be tough to finally let go of someone who was once such a huge part of your life, so we’re offering gifts to help you feel better.

“Unless of course your ex was a terrible person, then you can use the gifts to celebrate saying good riddance.”

“So let us be your Valentine this year, and we can promise we won’t let you down.”

Diane Cooke
Diane Cooke is a three times award-winning journalist who has worked for UK national/regional newspapers, magazines and websites.

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